IT'S LATER THAN I THINK!!!!!!!!

Ok... I hate shopping.... all kinds... and the Festivus, HannaKanah, Chrismataz.... really pains me. Which is kind of ironic.... because I am a generous person and I do like giving things away. Especially things that I find in my apartment that I really don't want anymore. And I do like people. Most people. Some of the time. &some people, most of the time.

So... in the spirit of the season where normally rational people go out and cut down a perfectly good tree... stick it in their living room..(ya, like they think it's gonna grow there, huh!) and then throw it away later... I have arranged gifts for all my bloggin buddies, readers and Lurkers!

This is how it works..... I divided everyone into two groups.... A & B.... ok, with me so far?

Everyone in group A gets..............

Eggnog Soap
The MAN tried to keep eggnog down. He tried to pigeonhole it as a "holiday beverage." But eggnog could not be contained! It has cast aside those artificial limitations and emerged as an aromatic cleaning agent for both hands and body. Keep a bar in your bathroom year-round for those times when you could use a little holly jolly good cheer. Each bar has the words "Eggnog Soap" embossed on top and comes in a fancy 3-3/4" x 2-3/8" x 7/8" tin.

Every one in Group B gets...........Inflatable Fruitcake
It's festive, it's traditional and it's inedible - just like the real thing. Each vinyl fruitcake comes deflated with a 9-1/2" x 5-1/2" envelope and a decorative sticker, making it easy to send one to all of your friends and family! When inflated, this icon of old-fashioned baked goods is 8-1/2" x 5" x 4-1/2" and makes a great centerpiece for the holiday dinner table. and everyone else gets....
Box Full of Hope Gift Box
We provide the box, you provide the hope! This 5" x 5" x 5" gift box is decorated with inspirational text and images presenting hope as a material commodity. It's the perfect gift! After all, who doesn't need a little hope now and again? As an extra bonus, "One out of every 1,000 boxes contains the key to Happiness!" Great for optimists and cynics alike. If you want to be really depressing, give it to someone empty!OK. Happy Happy!...to collect your gift go to

www.mcphee.com

... and send them a check.

AMERICA'S BIGGEST HOOKER!

Nah, that's General Joe Hooker. He was a bad lay in 1863 and I'm guessing he hasn't gotten better with age.

Not that Hooker.

Nope, not that Hooker either. Johnny Lee is all right by me.

And not those Hookers; at least they are honest about what they are doing.

Ok, Yessirree Boy.... I am talking about

America's biggest whore.....

America's most diseased piece of faux sensuality and verbal promiscuity......

Sarah Palin!

So.... here's the deal.... I get another spam letter from the Snow Queen

Dear Friend, As the Going Rogue book tour ends.....................................................................................................If you are able to contribute I will use the SarahPAC donations you place in my trust to support candidates who share our core values, and I’ll work on issues that can put America back on the right path. With your help, we can bring real change to America!

From my family to yours, we wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Joyous New Year.

God Bless the USA!

Sarah Palin

Ya, the donations you place in my trust! To support.... yadda yadda.... I have never seen such blatant display of gimmee, gimmee, gimmee since Tammy Faye and Jim Baker shilled the PTL on tv.

Yuppers.... old Sarah is out on the street looking for a stray $20. I swear, she would give the Dick Cheney a blow job if she thought there was a pay-ola involved.

Wowsers! I gotzta get my email checked for VD.

Ok. It was a long weekend of shoveling snow, walking through slush and complaining about snow and slush. So I really have nothing of any import to say. (Like I ever do?) But I do have a joke. One that encompasses my three favorite subjects..... Tourists, Illinois, Dumb Questions & Blondes. (Ok, I am not employed in the Math field.)

A notable thing about where I live is the abundance of names of cities, towns, lakes and rivers that are derived from Native American dialects and languages. It usually can make for some very interesting pronunciations. Here's a story



Two tourists from Illinois were driving through Wisconsin. As they approached Weyauwega , they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.
As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee, 'Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are . . . very slowly?'
The blond counter girl leaned over the counter and slowly said, 'Burrrr-gerrrr-Kiiiing.'