the few that tolerate me drunk find me totally obnoxious when sober
Friday, November 1, 2013
Duck this why doncha
there is a line between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words.”
BUT.... a joke is a joke is a joke...... as long as I think it's funny...it's called the jimm-rule.
Five doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a general
practice (GP) physician, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a
After a time, a bird came winging overhead. The first to react was the GP
who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated.
"I'm not quite sure it's a duck," he said, "I think that I will have to get
a second opinion." And of course by that time, the bird was long gone.
Another bird appeared in the sky thereafter. This time, the pediatrician
drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in
his sights and besides, it might have babies. "I'll have to do some more
investigations," he muttered, as the creature made good its escape.
Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun
shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey's identity. "Now, I
know it's a duck, but does it know it's a duck?" The fortunate bird
disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma.
Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon's weapon pointed
skywards. BOOM!! The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned
nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him. "Go see if that was a duck, will
I was going to kill myself today by taking a thousand aspirin. But after taking the first two I felt better.
I failed my Health and Safety class test today.
Apparently, when they ask you, "In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?" "Goddam large ones" is not the correct answer
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a duck walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the duck's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the duck. "Your name is written inside the cover."
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a duck sitting next to him.
"Are you a duck?" asked the man, surprised.
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The duck replied, "Well, I liked the book."
A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a duck in the front seat.
"What are you doing with that duck?" He exclaimed, "You should take it to the zoo."
The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the duck again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls him over.
"I thought you were going to take that duck to the zoo!"
The man replied, "I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!"
A man and his pet duck walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking.
They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.
Finally, the bartender says: "Last call."
So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my duck."
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the duck falls over dead.
The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave.
The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."
To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a duck."....
ok.... rained all day yesterday...about one and half inches. dark...gloomy today.
It just left me all feeling ...ducky